Family Joy....or not

Ahh families.  Gotta love 'em.  Or not. 

I've got a lot of family components:

•  My own 'blood kin' - my incredible precious daughter, parents, niece and brother.
•  In-law - son, sisters, brothers and mother.
•  Husbands - there's been all kinds of those - one divorced, one death, one current.
•  Steps - now here's where it gets umm...sticky.  I currently have 2 step-daughters and 3 step-granddaughters.  I also had (have?) 2 step-daughters, a granddaughter and 2 grandsons from my late husband.

Let talk a little step-joy.

One granddaughter has lived with me off and on the last 3 years while her mother serves in the military.  I love her like 'blood' even though I have only know her for 3 years.  She is 13 and we are on the same wave-length.  Her mother and I struggle to find the right place with each other - her daughter is our most common meeting place.  Maybe we will find our own one day - it remains to be seen.  I have not met the other 2 granddaughters and barely the other daughter - I don't think they are interested in a relationship with me or my husband.  Whole 'nother blog, OK?

My step-daughters from my late husband got angry with me after their father died and we have not been in contact for 7 years.  They also have not contacted my daughter - who, by the way, is their 'blood'.  I loved the oldest of the two a lot.  We had been part of the same family for TWENTY-FIVE YEARS.  The younger and I struggled much as my current step-daughter and I do.  It may surprise you to hear they have similar personalities.  Hmmm.....  ANYWAY, I have mourned the loss of the relationship with the older sister.  For 7 years.  I have mourned the loss of her and her dad. And that whole life we had.  It has been a steep steep mountain and a deep deep valley.  I learned that she was critically ill last year and I stalked her progress on facebook - I cried, I prayed, and it turned out that I still loved her.  When she recovered she reached out to me on facebook and I was overjoyed - we were at least connected by that.

Imagine how I felt when she showed up at my office last week to see me.  No wait, there's no way you can imagine because I can barely articulate it - overwhelmed, ecstatic, a little scared.  I clung to her and cried pathetically - 7 years of anger, sadness and mourning poured from me to her shoulder.  We spent a large part of the weekend together and talked some of our estrangement but mostly of our happiness at being reunited and restored.  We agreed that the whys do not matter to us today - they may, but we will not speak of it.  We want each other to be more important than the whys - I think.  I hope.

Families are messy, loud, difficult, delicious and joyous tapestries - they are woven from the fabrics of blood, steps, in-laws and ever how many husbands you have. 

Puppy Joy

I'm a cat person in love with a pup.  I don't know how it happened.  I didn't mean for it to happen.  I've always made fun of dogs.  They're not as smart as cats - we cat people know that.  They're waaaaayyy too much trouble - as demanding as babies. You can't go on vacation without making extensive plans for the DOG! You don't do that for a cat.

Momo (short for John the Baptist) is thoroughly put out with me.  He disdains the pup.  The pup wants to be friends.  Haha Momo says - we aren't gonna be friends.  They vie for who can sit closest to me.  I am covered in animal hair.  And I might smell a little funny.  To you.  To them I am delish. 

I am the world to a puppy.  And that is mighty hard to resist.  Mighty hard.

I did it again

In a fit of self-loathing because I saw a picture of myself from the weekend, I went and got a god-awful haircut.

I look ridiculous.

Not that I looked that great before.

I saw the picture.  I know.  Had no idea I could be even more pissed off or be more self-loathing.

I remember these days

of Johnny dying better than most birthday or anniversaries.

Wish I could coast thru them like I did so many days of our life together.

(That's the survivors's guilt.)

Another year,another crash

Every year I think I 'm gonna handle the anniversary 'better'. I tell myself "This is the year. You'll be your 'old self' and 'deal with it' and 'move on' and 'live for today' " and any other 'quotable cliche' I can think of.

I'm even in counseling this year (which honestly? feels kinda like I'm a failure) and I'm so low and slow right now I can hardly move. He advised me to write about the anticipation of what begins tomorrow.

So I am. Did.

I've had enough of silly love songs

And apparently so had John Lennon. He's the reason Sir Paul wrote this song after John bashed his post-Beatles song-writing.

Just call me and ol' John crazy cynics. But love songs just irritate me. Girls listen to those songs and believe that crap. And then expect real-life men to act like that. And they just don't. And can't. And won't. Then comes the hurt and disappointment. And the nagging. And the life-crushing let-down that can only come from expecting too much from a man based on love song lyrics. Honey, when he says (in a love song, of course, because men don't talk like this in real life),"I wanna love you all night long" he means maaaybe 5-7 minutes, OK? When he says "You've been on my mind all day" he means "I've been hoping we were having baked beans for supper" When he says "I just can't live without you" he means "Who's gonna do the laundry?"

I don't read romance novels for the same reason. Or watch the Hallmark channel. I don't want to be pissed off or disappointed. And I certainly don't need no crushing let-down.

Just make his beans and try not to expect too much.

'Cause life just ain't a love song.

Under the Big Top

No, this isn't about the circus though my life does qualify.

This about dressing the larger female body. Ahem.

It's been difficult dealing with this big ol' brick house. All my old body dressing rules went right out the window. (Yes, I had rules - so should you.) Add to that the menopause and we're dealing with big AND hot rules (what we like to call the double whammy of midlife misery). Brick house, indeed.

So, my bigger girlfriends - listen up. Pay attention. This is good stuff and you will thank me. Or you should 'cause some of y'all are making all these mistakes. And people can see it when you do.

1. Wear a bigger size. This is the hardest one so I put it first so you can get over it and enjoy the rest of these. You do NOT wear a size 12 anymore. Or a 14. And probably not even a 16. It's time to go to the other side of Cato's, OK? It only hurts for a minute and then the cute clothes take your mind off it. Go try something on ~ look how much better you look in clothes that FIT! (You can always cut the tag out.)
   
2. No knits! Knits cling - to every lump, bump and roll you have. You will spend all day long plucking that knit shirt out of that belly crease in the front. And for heavens sake, honey, knit pants will show every dimple in your lovely thighs and will wad up in your crack every time you stand up. We're walking behind you - we know this much is true. You need fabrics that will skim over your body - jersey, georgette. Polyester is the big girl's friend. Do not believe that Deschanel girl (Zoey?) when she sings 'cotton is the fabric of your life'. It's not true and she can't sing anyway.
   
3. Ruching and/or flowing is your friend. Any dress or top with ruching hides much and forgives more. And do not pull your shirt down smooth (especially if it's knit - see #2), They don't call it 'muffin-top' to be cute. They're making fun of you. Wear flowing not fitted cardigans or blouses - see 'The Stevie Method'. Fabric is important - lightweight and flowy will not make you sweat, uh glow and is easy to hike up in front of a fan or AC vent.
   
4. Do not belt it. I can't believe this even needs to be said, but I saw you and apparently it does. Do not put a belt around that big ol' belly. It does not make you look stylish or younger. It makes you look like a fatty with a belt flung around it. Really. Are y'all just not looking in a mirror? Do you not have friends? And in the same vein, do not tuck in that shirt. You might as well stamp "I refuse to compete" across your forehead (tm Emily-thanks!).
   
5. Create a distraction. Accessories are a big help. And the bigger and shinier the accessories the more distracting they are. A big honking necklace and spangly earrings will draw the eye up from that mess around your waist. Or away from that massive rear. And enough can not be said about big hair. Flat, unstyled hair is not for big girls - the bigger the hair, the smaller your rear end will appear. It at least will create balance and give you the illusion of hour glass. Fluff that stuff, baby. Then spray it good with Aqua Net. So it'll hold when you sweat.

This should be enough to get you started. This by no means is the entire set of rules. And we haven't even touched make-up ~ or chin hair. But I know many of you are sadly taking that belt off and plucking that double knit shirt out of your belly roll. And when you stand up, make sure to pull your pants out of your crack.

Delta Burke, where are you when we need you?