Tomorrow marks the 6th anniversay of Johnnys' surgery - January 28th. I will never forget it no never not ever not for the rest of my life. Or the 4 hellish days that followed.
This year it appears I will 'handle' it better than any year past. The rawness apparently is beginning to heal some. I can still cry unexpectedly at the most surprising times or get choked up talking about him but it is better. The Carols and Communion service did not absolutely slay me this year - that's how I knew I was dealing with it better.
My Johnny had a simple surgery January 28, 2004. On the 29th, he crashed. I believe it to have been caused by toxic shock. Whatever 'it' was it raced through his body shutting down one organ after the other until it reached his heart. His organs were so damaged we could not donate them And 'they' wanted to tell me he had a heart attack. Liars. I am still angry and bitter and I hope it does not consume me all the rest of my life. That's why I am encouraged that I am 'handling it better'. Maybe by the time he died on February 1st I will not be a total mess this year. It is my goal to not speak of it - except maybe to Callie. It doesn't matter to anyone else anyway.
But it matters to me. I still miss you every day, Johnny. Every. damn. day.
This year it appears I will 'handle' it better than any year past. The rawness apparently is beginning to heal some. I can still cry unexpectedly at the most surprising times or get choked up talking about him but it is better. The Carols and Communion service did not absolutely slay me this year - that's how I knew I was dealing with it better.
My Johnny had a simple surgery January 28, 2004. On the 29th, he crashed. I believe it to have been caused by toxic shock. Whatever 'it' was it raced through his body shutting down one organ after the other until it reached his heart. His organs were so damaged we could not donate them And 'they' wanted to tell me he had a heart attack. Liars. I am still angry and bitter and I hope it does not consume me all the rest of my life. That's why I am encouraged that I am 'handling it better'. Maybe by the time he died on February 1st I will not be a total mess this year. It is my goal to not speak of it - except maybe to Callie. It doesn't matter to anyone else anyway.
But it matters to me. I still miss you every day, Johnny. Every. damn. day.
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