Joy in the Nightmare

I call this a joy buffet and I haven't served a bit of joy the last 4 or 5 days. But it is a story that I need to share and he is a man that should be remembered. So in this whole horrid week, there was one bright spot, one moment in all of it that was shining and bearable. So let me offer this bit of joy....

We had to go shopping for funeral clothes. Do you know how hard it is to shop when you're numb, in shock, can't make eye contact, and your brain is screaming nonstop, "JOHNNY IS DEAD, JOHNNY IS DEAD!!!" It's hard. We had to have something to wear to the funeral and something to wear that night at the visitation.

Ah, visitation. I only know the Southern way, but there's a lot of love, laughter, hugging, crying, talking, remembering, JOY at a southern funeral visitation. Of course, it's more enjoyable if you are the one doing the visiting as opposed to the one being visited and I spent all day long dreading it. I craved quiet and solitude. My brain was screaming at me. I could barely make eye contact - how in the hell was I going to greet visitors?

So we dressed in our new funeral clothes and we had to go early so we could see Johnny. We had a private hour before the visitation began. And he did not look like himself but he looked good - you know? And we cried and touched his rubbery hands and stroked his cold face - oh my God, oh my God there are simply no words. None. Oh God I still cry out to you with the memory. Oh God. Oh Johnny.

And then they opened the doors. And here they came. People and people and so many people and then more people. And they hugged us and clung to us and cried with us and told us memories and loved us and loved our Johnny and it was glorious! Glorious I tell you. And there were so many of them our visitaton ran 2 hours over the alloted time. And it was JOYOUS and GLORIOUS and God's hand was on us all. Our hearts were calm and encouraged and reminded. Reminded of how loved we were, how loved Johnny was.

This was good. Thanks friends. Thanks.